• Ruchi

Understanding Emotional Needs

If I tell you one secret to unlocking the power to make your relationship work and this will bring fulfillment into your life, then would you believe me? Well, this claim looks like some uneducated quack wants some sort of attention from the readers…but um no!

Read first and decide for yourself…. reading will only make you wiser…so it is a good deal.

What exactly are ‘Emotional needs’?

I believe we human are simple but living in a demanding society makes us complex creatures, and as humans are social animals so they are bound to act like a complex equation. Psychology Experts believes like your unique identity; your emotional needs are also unique. That means we all have emotional needs, starting from the infant, toddler to adult and it ends in old age with the death of that person. So, does this means we also develop emotionally? Yes!

Emotions are feedbacks designed to tell us that something is good or bad. Emotional needs are the needs which are based on emotions.

To understand all this in a simplified way, first we must understand how emotional needs develop in the first place, beginning with the emotional needs, of a toddler and then coming on to an adult emotional need.

Till the early 19th century, it was believed that humans have only three basic needs, eat to satisfy the hunger, excrete to expel out what is waste from the body, sex to fulfill reproductive and other needs and last sleep to help overcome the tiredness and to start the next day with the same basic needs. There was no place for emotions or its needs. Nowadays we are facing an epidemic of lifestyle diseases like hypertension, diabetes, arthritis, obesity etc. and health experts believe that in coming years we will be facing a much bigger problem, epidemic of mental health issues, many doctors try to fix them with medicines, but till we don’t fix the underlying cause, disease will stay forever. Right now, mental health issues are like a tip of an iceberg, hiding underneath many diseases and issues which later erupt like volcanic hot lava which will only bring destruction for all of us.

Most of us are quite aware of the pop culture and most of us are their fans too, I myself was a big fan, till I researched on it. Most of the pop songs only tell us about narcissistic needs. I believe unless we understand ourselves and the needs we have, we cannot love us, and it is important to differentiate between what you ‘want’ and what you ‘need’? Toddlers have the meltdown and still you can easily distract them with something shiny or yummy treat, they are happy again till they again get tired or grumpy and don’t know how to handle the new emotions they are experiencing. This is where, we as parents are supposed to handle their chaos with calmness, but rarely does it happen? Why? Don’t we know that toddlers are incapable of handling emotions but still many parents, shout or get angry, when they are faced with something that they are supposed to handle nicely? It looks like many of us, carry the same unmet emotional needs or we are still in the process of underdeveloped processing of emotions and thereby underdeveloped emotional needs. This causes similar confusion in adults (as toddlers) unable to differentiate between their ‘needs and wants.’ It is like we have carried forward our ‘unmet needs and wants ‘from childhood into adulthood. To many, this sounds so disastrous and to be honest, it is! That’s certainly no way to live.

According to Maslow there are seven BASIC emotional needs, however, I believe as we have stepped into the 21st century, our emotional needs have changed a bit. Understanding the emotional needs is a highly effective method to know someone’s behavior and priorities in his life. Let us have a look.

1) Safety and survival: Every year so many different animals or plants species are getting extinct, but humans are growing more than ever rather our life expectancy is growing day by day. We are not scared for our survival like our ancestors who used to live in caves. But we do value our privacy or maybe not. Safety is altogether a different thing than survival; we are not scared from any other species except our fellow humans. Thanks to all the zoos and national sanctuaries, we have captivated almost all animals and birds. Just kidding, that is not right.

2) Valued: Being valued and appreciated is something we all cherish, starting from a toddler who dances whenever you clap or give him a chocolate or an average adult boss who wants everyone to laugh at every single stupid joke, he/she cracks. But it is not always like this, getting good grades in academics, or winning an award makes us feel that our hard work is being appreciated and valued. Thereby we also set an example for to others to achieve the same level of excellence.

3) Sense of Control: It is like you want to control everything from your breakfast to your dinner, your car parking etc. but we all know it is impossible as almost 90% of things in our life are not under our control. But for some people this is like a necessity. They are attracted to anything which they feel like controlling.

4) Money: for anyone whose basic emotional need’s top list is money?

5) Connection: Affection, love or feeling connected to the other person is the innate feeling we all have from an infant to adult. It is the most innate and basic need which if ignored gives rise to many mental disorders.

This list gives you an insight into your mind what is your basic emotional need and how can you fulfill them and beyond a certain limit anything can prove fatal for our lives.

Sometimes a person who “needs” may also manipulate, control, or abuse others just to get his or her own needs fulfilled. This basically gives rise to toxic relationship.

I am going to write more about the emotional needs and how can you use these to make your relationships last forever in my upcoming posts.

’If you think FREEDOM is a myth, then let me remind you, we always have an option to choose.’’

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